With the remake of "Evil Dead" about to hit theaters on April 5th (as I write this), I started thinking again about remakes.  "Evil Dead" actually looks pretty good, and advance word on it has been very positive.  Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are both involved, so I am planning on seeing it.

It seems that over the last decade or so, we have been flooded by endless remakes, prequels, sequels and the dreaded "reimagining".  Of course, remakes are nothing new, and have been a film staple for quite a while.  It just seems that in the horror genre in particular, almost every month there's some remake of some horror film.

In recent years, we've been treated to remakes of some venerable horror classics such as "A Nightmare on Elm Street", "Friday the 13th", "Last House on the Left", "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and. the one that shattered my soul the most, Rob Zombie's remake of "Halloween".

All of this got me thinking, "What's really going on here?  Why so many remakes?  Are they good for the genre or bad for the genre?"  So many questions......

I know that many horror fans are rabidly anti-remake, and I can completely understand that, especially when it comes to the classics, like the ones I mentioned above.  While I am not nearly as militant as some fans, I still can't help but wonder why Hollywood bothers to remake some of these horror classics.  The originals have stood the test of time, and still hold up today.  I still maintain that the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" is a very creepy, scary film.  The original "Halloween" is one of my favorite horror films of all time, as is "Last House on the Left".

So, why bother?  The answer is simple.  MONEY.  We fans tend to forget that Hollywood studios are corporations and corporations exist to turn a profit.  That's it.  If I told you that you could invest $5 million in a project, and that it would pay back $50 million in the end, you would ask me where the dotted line was so you could sign up, and please don't tell me that you wouldn't.  The studios know that the current, young generation of filmgoers will make these films the number one film the weekend that they are released.

Let's also keep in mind that not all remakes suck.  Regardless of how militant and cavalier you want to be on the topic, you have to admit that some remakes are actually quite good. Allow me to draw your attention to the photos above.  Ring any bells?  Are you really going to tell The Horror Nerd that these films suck simply because they are remakes?  Shit, John Carpenter's "The Thing" is on many people's top ten list.  Go tell Carpenter that he's an asshole because he remade a film.  I also enjoyed a few other recent remakes.  "The Hills Have Eyes" was dirty, grimy and made me feel uncomfortable.  "The Uninvited" and "The Crazies" are also two good examples of decent remakes.  Heck, even "Dawn of the Dead" was pretty good.

I think the problem comes in when we fans perceive that what we feel is "a classic" is being tampered with.  Don't get me wrong.  If they ever remake "The Exorcist" or "Jaws" my head will probably explode.  I feel there was NO need to remake films like "Nightmare on Elm Street" or "Friday the 13th" because the originals still hold up after all these years.  The best remakes are ones of films that were not that great to begin with, or have become old and tired.  Tell me that a film like "Soylent Green" is not ripe for a remake.

I'm going to make a statement that I am sure many fans will not find popular, but it's the truth.  We horror fans tend to feel that we "own" these films somehow.  Yes, in a way we do.  It is we who have cherished and supported them over all these years and have kept them popular.  But, when you get right down to it, these films are not owned by us, they are owned by the fimmakers, who ultimately can do with them as they see fit.

Let me ask you this, fellow freaks.  Why should Rob Zombie's shitty remake of "Halloween", or the awful American remakes of classic Asian horror films diminish your love of the originals in any way?  So they're remaking a film.  So f**king what?  Don't go see it.  Instead, get a bunch of friends together, some of whom have not seen the originals, and WATCH THEM.  Go and buy them when they come out on blu-ray.  When a local theater puts them on the big screen, GO AND SEE THEM!  It's that simple.

For my final thoughts on the matter, I will say this.  For me, the saddest thing about remakes is that while Hollywood is churning out one after the other, this means that there are probably tons of good screenplays sitting on the shelf that are being passed over because the studios are afraid to take a chance on something new or different.  They know that they can remake "An American Werewolf in London" and it will be the number one film that weekend.  For every remake that gets done, a potentially excellent film is being passed over.

When all is said and done, it's up to us, the fan base, to decide where to spend our hard-earned dollars.  Don't like remakes?  Don't go see them.  We can lament these things until the end of time, but they won't change.  You want to make a difference?  Attend a screening of a new independent horror film.  Go to a film festival and support the filmmakers.  Go to a convention and purchase a bunch of indie horror film and, if your theater has the balls to show an unrated horror film, GO AND SEE IT!

THE HORROR NERD COMMANDS YOU!

I am a film nerd.

I still love it when Norma Desmond is ready for her closeup.
I still jump when Chief Brody realizes they're gonna need a bigger boat.
I still get chills when Superman takes flight for the first time.
I am still mesmerized when Vito Corleone makes him an offer he can't refuse.
I still cheer when Rocky fights Apollo Creed.
I still cry when Ray Kinsella is not invited into his Field of Dreams.
I still sit wide eyed when the Wicked Witch of the West makes her first appearance.
I still wish Willy Wonka's chocolate factory was a real place.
I still get creeped out when Regan McNeil says it's an excellent day for an exorcism.
I still smirk when Rhett Butler frankly doesn't give a damn.
I still love the smell of napalm in the morning.
I still well up when E.T. goes home.
I still love it when Jack Nicholson tells us that we can't handle the truth!
I'm still glad that Charles Foster Kane found Rosebud.
I still think it's cool that Greta Garbo wants to be alone.
I still laugh out loud at every scene on that Airplane.
I still also like my martinis shaken, not stirred.
I still hate HAL for not opening the pod bay doors.
I still feel bad for Frankenstein's creature.
I still get chills when Luke realizes that the force will be with him, always.
I still root for King Kong.
I still think The French Connection has the greatest car chase ever.....ever.
I'm still on the edge of my seat when Indy outruns that boulder.
I still get goosebumps when Andy Dufresne escapes from Shawshank.
I still feel the need, the need for speed.
I'm still glad that Ilsa walked into Rick Blaine's gin joint, of all the gin joints in the world.
I still want Dirty Harry to make my day.
I'm still happy when Clarence gets his wings.
I still agree that you can't fight in the war room.
I am still moved by Schindler's List, every time.
I still agree that we all go a little mad sometimes.  Isn't that right mother?
I still think Dr. Lechter would make a charming dinner companion.
I still believe true love's kiss is the greatest magic of all.
...and I still love to watch Gene Kelly sing in the rain.

I am a film nerd.

(c) 2012 Todd Staruch, aka "The Horror Nerd"

What drives a beloved TV character over the edge?  What fuels a man's fall from grace?  To what length will a man go to avenge a wrong?  These are all questions that are explored in the fantastic horror short written and directed by Rob Dimension, and co-directed by Matt Burd.

Many of you know Rob Dimension from the local horror scene in the NJ/PA area.  He is the co-host of Monstermania Radio along with Dave Hagan (promoter and founder of the MonsterMania horror convention), and he hosts the extremely funny "Extreme Odd Couple Podcast" with wrestling icon Steve Corino.  Rob is also active in the indie horror scene, constantly helping to promote indie horror.  He also happens to be a personal friend of mine, and one of the most genuine people I know.

Some time last year Rob mentioned to me a film script he was writing about a man who was once a famous TV host and a beloved clown character, who goes through a series of events that causes him to slowly unravel.  He made it very clear to me that this would be something very different, and not a typical "killer clown" film.  Over the ensuing months, Rob poured a lot of energy, heart and soul into the project, and every ounce of this shows in the finished product.

Almost all of us who grew up on the NY/NJ/PA area are familiar with TV hosts.  People like Zacherly, who introduced us to horror as kids, and added a lot of flair to our TV viewing.  There were also the very popular ones like Bozo the Clown, or Bob McAllister (Wonderama).  We all loved them, but what kind of lives do they lead when the cameras aren't rolling?  Are they truly happy?  What would happen if one of these people were driven over the edge?  Well, in "No Clowning Around" we find out, as we follow the tragic, downward spiral of one Mumbles the Clown.

Our story begins with Mumbles waking up in a stranger's bathtub, dirty, disheveled and reeking of whiskey.  After an admittedly funny encounter with a child living in the home, Mumbles makes a hasty exit and finds his car.  In our first glimpse into Mumbles' mind, we find him having a prolonged conversation with his puppet, Mr. Peepers (voiced by Sal Valente).  Mumbles is quickly reminded that he is due to perform at a child's birthday party and managers to actually get there.  Let's just say that things do not go well.  Co-Director Matt Burd makes a cameo as a VERY unhappy father.

Mumbles finally makes his way home, and when he comes to, we meet his girlfriend Trixie, a heroin addict played by Rob's lovely wife, Kim Dimension.  Trixie uses what little money they have on her next fix, supplied by sleazy pimp/drug dealer Lenny, played very convincingly by Steve Corino.  It is very clear that despite their life situation, Mumbles and Trixie do love each other and care about one another. 

I hate spoilers, so I will not give away what happens next, but lets just say that a very tragic turn of events leads to Mumbles' rapid spiral into madness, and his ultimate downfall.  The climax of the film took a direction that I was NOT expecting, and I was very pleased by this.

So, on to my actual review of the film. 

Personal feeling for Rob and the crew aside, for a debut short film, I can honestly say that I was blown away.  In an era where almost anyone can pick up a digital camera and start filming, I have seen a lot of horror shorts, and most of them are what they are.  Someone picking up a camera and shooting away.  This is NOT the case with "No Clowning Around"!  It is very clear that Rob put a great deal of effort into the script and the story is well thought out.  We actually care about Mumbles and his downfall is that much more affecting because of the relationship we develop with him.  The biggest complement I could make is that when I was watching this film, I knew it was Rob Dimension but at the same time, I didn't.  I believed that it was Mumbles the Clown.  The rest of the cast play their parts to perfection as well.  Kim Dimension as Trixie and Steve Corino as Lenny clearly cared about their roles, and made sure we felt it.

The strongest parts of the film are the plot, script and acting, hands down.  As I said, for a debut film, I was not sure what to expect.  I know Rob is very passionate about his project and that he would not take this one lightly, but still, like with any film, I went in with a healthy skepticism and had that washed away in the first five minutes.  The filming and direction are also very solid.

There were some weaker elements to be sure.  The soundtrack was excellent for the most part, but the score could use some polish.  There was one extended sequence where I kept waiting for the music to change, and it never did.  I am not sure if this was done deliberately to make the viewed uncomfortable, but it didn't seem that way.  The effects could have used a little work at the end as well.  The clown makeup was excellent, but the few other effects that there are could have been done better.  I happen to know the reasons behind this but still, I would not be honest if I didn't point this out.

I cannot recommend this film enough.  For a first effort, I really was extremely pleased with this film.  Finally, FINALLY, something different comes along, with characters we care about, and a story with some emotional impact.

Horror Nerd's Rating:  4 1/2 of 5 Broken Eyeglasses!!

"No Clowning Around" is making its hometown debut at the MonsterMania convention in Cherry Hill, NJ on Saturday, March 9th at 1:00PM.  Click HERE for information on the convention.

You can order your copy of "No Clowning Around", and other merchandise, at the following link by clicking on the following link:

Click HERE for "No Clowning Around" merchandise.

Finally, follow Rob Dimension's blog by clicking HERE.


(All "No Clowning Around" images are owned by the copyright holder.  No copyright ownership or infringement is intended by the owner of this website.)

Well, it seems that another "convention season" is upon us.  I always found that term kind of interesting, since there are horror, sci-fi, fantasy, comic, steampunk, etc. conventions all year round.

Anyway......as I write this, I am approaching 45 years old and I have been a horror/sci-fi fan since I was a kid.  As I got older, this stuck with me, but I had never heard of a horror "convention".  Comic Con wasn't even a thing yet.  As time went by, there would be fan gatherings in comic book shops and such, but nothing like what we see today.  Going into the 1990's, I attended a few "real" conventions here or there, but again, they were small affairs with a few guests sitting in a room seemingly not really knowing what to make of it.

My first "big time" convention as a serious attendee was at the Chiller Theatre convention in October of 2003.  This was the first time that I really got any autographs or photos taken with celebrities.  Looking back, I am now such an avid convention/festival attendee, and I have come to know so many people, and they to know me, it seems like I have been going to these for a lot longer.

To make a long story short, I have now been attending fan conventions and film festivals "hardcore" for about ten years now.  Over that time, I have met hundreds of film stars and other celebrities, made many great friends in the horror community, and basically had the time of my life at these shows.  In fact, I would humbly say that it's at the point where I am a solid part of the convention community.  Fans and (some) celebrities know me by name, and we look forward to seeing each other.  The parties have become legendary (especially a certain room party in October of 2012).  I look forward to each and every one of these, because I get to spend time doing something that I love, and doing it amongst friends.

I have seen these conventions grow from 2-3 celebrities sitting in a comic book shop to huge affairs, taking place in hotels and conference centers, with dozens and dozens of guests and hundreds if not thousands of fans in attendance.  They are huge money-making affairs, both for the promoters and the celebrities.  The are big shows, small shows and everything in between.  Some are horror, some are sci-fi, and there are countless others covering any genre you can think of.

Over the years I have seen everything and anything at these shows.  I have seen fans behave like jerks, and I have seen celebrity guests act like complete jerks.  I have seen people get thrown out, and I have seen guests who have been asked to leave as well.  Basically, I have seen it all.

One troubling trend I have noticed is the constantly rising costs associated with going to some of these shows.  Overall the ticket prices have stayed fairly reasonable, but the prices of the autographs for the celebrities has continued to skyrocket, as they have awakened to the amount of money they can make.  At my first Chiller convention in 2013, the average autograph price was $10 with a few celebs charging $15 or $20, and some signed for free.  Now, $30 is a common price for a signature, with $40 becoming more and more common, and the good-old $20 autograph seems to have fallen by the wayside. 

What's worse, far worse to this Horror Nerd is the fact that so many guests are now charging an additional fee to have your picture taken with them, with YOUR camera, at their table.  I'm sorry, but this I have an issue with.  I agree 100% that they have a right to profit from their signature and likeness, but am I really going to be able to turn around and sell a picture of me standing with some film star with a dopey grin on my face?  Come on!  This is really making me nuts.  Yes, there are times when I pay it, but there are plenty of times when I say "Sorry, too much, and walk away." 

Oh, OH!  And what's worse is the latest trend which is having a professional photographer on-site for special "photo ops" where they will take a professional photo of you with a celebrity.  For the time being, this is a special service, and you can still usually get a photo at the guest's table, but how long do you think it will be before these professional photo ops will be the ONLY way for you to take a picture with your favorite stars?  Trust me, it's coming.

OK, we could debate the pricing all day long, and I have been involved in many Facebook threads covering this topic.  Ultimately, we are in control of how we spend our entertainment dollars.  It's no different than spending hundreds of dollars on a ticket to a sporting event.  The control is always in the hands of the fans.  As long as we continue to pay the higher prices, the guests will continue to charge them.  I will wager that, as much as we all love to say how we're going to take a stand, it will never happen.  I dread the day where I will only be able to go to 1-2 shows a year.

Then again, a BIG, BIG part of the convention experience for me is getting together with fellow fans, and having a great time and, for that, the price of a $25 admission ticket is worth every single penny.

See you out there in 2013 fellow fans!!

The Horror Nerd

So I watched last night's episode of "The Walking Dead" (3/3/2013) and, as usual, I felt it was excellent.  It had all of the drama that the show usually brings, along with the usual zombie mayhem, although to a lesser degree than some of the other episodes.  I watched it with my brother, and we both said the same thing.  There were some commercial breaks that we were actually thankful for, because we had a chance to process what we had just seen.  The episode brought back a character that we had not seen since Season 1, and this character's reunion with Rick brought the emotional level of the show to new heights.  I won't give away anything else about the episode.  You will just have to see for yourself.

So then, being the Facebook junkie that I am, I decided to torture myself by logging in to see what other people were saying.  The reaction was basically what I had expected.  People that I know who are fans of the show basically agreed with what I thought.  Drama, action, emotion, and basically an all-around great episode.  We basically all agree that the show consistently shows how great it can be, and why it remains one of the best shows on television.  Hell, I know people who would never watch a horror film in their lives who are addicted to this show. 

Then, of course, come "The Haters".  I really dislike that term because it gets tossed around so frequently about everything and after a while it loses any semblance of meaning, but it this case, it really is applicable.

I read comments such as "This is the worse episode of the worst season so far," and, "That was a throwaway episode."  What the fuck does that even mean?  A throwaway episode?  We have Rick unraveling and losing his mind, and he comes across someone who meant something to him, resulting in pure emotion and drama, and some people call this "throwaway"?  Could it possibly be that I am so stupid that I simply don't see what they see?  Is it possible that I am such a fan of the show that I am completely blind to any faults it might have?  NO!

Over time, as this show progresses, I am becoming more and more convinced of a few things:

One, there is a contingent of people out there in the Net-O-Sphere who have convinced themselves that claiming to hate popular things make them appear edgy and cool.  Guess what skeezix?  It doesn't.  It just makes you seem angry and bitter.  Don't get me wrong.  If you don't like the show, that's perfectly fine.  Not everyone likes horror.  Not everyone likes drama.  Maybe you don't like some of the characters, or the pacing or whatever.  Again, no one likes everything, and that's part of life.  I personally don't care for romantic comedies, but that doesn't mean that there aren't good ones.  I think some people just have a need to have their voices heard, and they think the way to do it is just to spew venom about everything.  Well, so what?  You just go right on hating everything.

Second, I think there's also a group of people that just don't "get" what the show is about.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't think these people are unintelligent in any way.  I just think that their expectation of what the show would be about did not meet with reality.  They think it's a show about horror and zombies, but it really isn't.  "The Walking Dead" is a human drama, that just happens to take place under horrific circumstances.  They just don't hold back on any of the violence and gore, which to me, just adds to the realism.  Killing "people", whether alive or undead, isn't pretty.  Once you understand what the show is really about, I think it will be more enjoyable if you're one of the people who just expected a straight-up horror show.

Third, I think there's a group that simply doesn't want any drama or emotion at all.  Each week, they just want 60 minutes of zombie munching, gunfire and head shots.  To these people I say this.  Go and watch "The Expendables", because that's all you can handle.

Lastly, there's the group that considers and deviation from the original comics to be a blasphemy.  Get over it.  I don't understand why the TV show, and it's differences from the comics, could or would ever diminish your love of those comics.  These are the same ultra-fans who committed suicide because there were differences between Peter Jackson's "The Lord of the Rings" and the original books.  Here's a news flash.  Comics and TV are different mediums.  Deal with it.

Now, please don't misunderstand me.  Of course the show has it's flaws.  There's no such thing as perfection.  The seasons can be very uneven, and sometimes this happens within individual episodes.  There are also times when I have to question some of the writing decisions and how some of the characters are written.  I find myself saying, "Wow, would that person really do that?" 

Folks, we live in an ocean of shitty "reality" TV, where shows like "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and "Hillbilly Hand Fishing" (whatever the fuck that is) can score millions of viewers.  Is that what you want?  It sure seems that way.  A show like "The Walking Dead" comes along and all some people can think to do is shit on it?  Like I said, if you don't particularly care for it, that's fine.  It's not for everyone, but for as long as this show is on, I will consider it a gift.  We horror fans are always screaming for something good to come along and when it finally does, we should support it, not tear it down.

Some people should just go back to watching "The Bachelor", which is the real horror show.